Are Your Relationships Keeping You Stuck? The Invisible Strings of Important People in Your Life

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Are Your Relationships Keeping You Stuck? The Invisible Strings of Important People in Your Life

Often, the most dangerous obstacles to personal and professional growth and finding your passion are unconscious. Women tend to blame themselves, rather than looking outward to see what can be held back. As a woman once told me, “Like, it’s easier to blame yourself than to dig deeper.”

So, if you are interested in digging deeper to find your passion, here are some possible clues. Your relationships with important people in your life may actually be holding you back through what I call invisible strings. Here are six possibilities for those who can prevent you from finding your passion or advancing professionally: your parents, siblings, husband/partner, best friend, boss and your mother (separated from your parents).

1. Your Parents: You may be carrying old luggage from your mother and / or father. Did they send you the message that you didn’t succeed? Did you hear from them that you were “a klutz”, “lazy”, or some other label that defined how you came to see yourself? Even if you are long dead, you may still be carrying these messages on yourself.

2. Your Siblings: The ghosts of your childhood relationships with your younger or older siblings can also affect how you see yourself. The image of how they saw you back then can be frozen in time, so you continue to see them and yourself through that old lens.

3. Your husband/partner: The support or lack of support of the important man in your life can have a major influence on your being free to explore as much as you can be. If he’s not supportive, you may feel disloyal going forward with plans that could make you unravel—leaving him behind. Usually this is not a conscious decision. But, too often women lose their desires for personal or professional growth if their “he” is discouraging.

4. Your best friend: Again, the issue of loyalty comes into play if your best friend is not ready to grow up. You might feel that you would have left it behind; You may feel bad talking about exciting aspects of your life if you are depressed. And, what is more unfortunately, these feelings can be unconscious, so you can be retained – without even knowing.

5. Your Boss: OK, even if your boss is a dingbat (or filling in the best word here), can you afford to fly? You may have to change jobs, but often you can work around the boss – once you understand what’s stopping you.

Your Mother: Sometimes daughters, adult daughters unconsciously feel a betrayal if they are more successful than their mother. This is especially true if their mother is resentful of not being able to use their skills or talents in a career. Because the feeling is unconscious, a daughter who holds back cannot make the connection with her mother’s unfulfilled dreams for herself.

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