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Toddler 101: How to Reinforce "Good" Behavior
Picture a night at home, your kids playing in the living room while you make dinner for the family. Parents don’t usually check in on their kids and say, “Oh! You two are having such a good time and taking care of each other!”.
Now, let’s consider another situation. When you cook, you hear the kids fighting – screaming and crying. Your instinct is to run to the living room and look at the scene. You’ll say, “You two! Please, stop fighting and quiet mom!”.
What do these two scenarios tell you? We are more likely to see bad things than good things. As it has been mentioned, we remember mistakes made by others, not right actions.
The difference between reactive and proactive in parenting
Parents tend to be more reactive than proactive. That’s why it can be tiresome and annoying to some.
· Reactivity is when a person makes choices only after an event has occurred. A parenting style that controls a child’s behavior by following the wishes of the parent.
· In Reactive, there are more negative consequences. Take the second situation, for example, where the parent yells at the child when she is fighting. An example of a reaction is when you say “Stop. No, don’t do that!”.
· Proactivity is the ability of an individual to make/plan decisions before an event occurs. Parents become proactive with these examples: making meal plans or telling kids to take a bath in 10 minutes.
· This is when you give your child choices and make him/her aware of the consequences of an action.
What is the recommended parenting style? How do you apply it? Active parenting provides opportunities for parents and children to develop leadership and understanding.
Factors to consider for active parenting:
1. Recognize your child’s behavior
Your child throws a tantrum at a social gathering. what will you do?
A. Remove from the scene, distract and/or put him to sleep when he appears frustrated.
B. Take away from the scene and ask what happened while observing the child.
There is always a reason behind a child’s behavior. Your attention will help you understand the situation. Learn to understand your child’s emotions more.
After bathing your child, you:
A. Select the type of clothing he will wear and dress him immediately.
B. Let your child choose his clothes and encourage him to help you dress him up.
He only becomes independent when you let him be independent. Toddlers want to explore their abilities, one of which is pulling up or down pants or choosing clothes. Don’t let your children become dependent on you.
3. stop responding
Your child starts using violence against his sister. what will you do?
A. You will pull him away, point your finger and say “it’s wrong to hit your sister! You go out and play for a while”.
B. Ask him why he became aggressive and whether this is the right way to express anger.
As a parent, you should be able to see both sides of the story. Just because you see your child hitting his sibling doesn’t mean you should scold him. The best way to deal with this is to have a conversation and make him realize that what he’s doing is not right.
The 3 C’s of Parenting
Flawed as parents, we don’t realize the impact of our actions during intense events. It is human nature to be impulsive and expressive. But once you become a parent, you need to control these impulses and rash emotions.
The 3Cs help parents reinforce good behavior in their children. In order for you as a parent to understand why your child behaves “this” and how you can deal with “this”.
Every afternoon, little Rob and his parents go to the park. But when they do, the child will have an outburst of strong emotions, so they will decide to leave sooner than expected.
Why is your child misbehaving and when did it happen? Knowing what “triggers” your child can help you cope and/or guide him to behave in the right way.
In the scene, how do you explain this? Maybe, Rob didn’t take a nap or he doesn’t like playing outside? The answer is the child’s sensitivity to the environment. Toddlers show displeasure when temperature/weather makes them uncomfortable.
Imagine you commute in hot weather with sweat running down your neck in your corporate attire. Most people will be in a bad mood because of the weather and clothes.
This is how children feel, and they express it by crying or throwing tantrums. The best way to solve this problem is to wear comfortable and suitable clothes.
A 20-month-old toddler, Celine, tends to yell at her parents when she doesn’t get what she wants. What should Celine’s parents do?
When a child does something new, like shouting out that he or she doesn’t like it, adults see it as cute. However, acting like you think it’s cute will make the child repeat the behavior. You should set a limit and find a way to turn bad behavior into good behavior.
In this case, determine what type of behavior your child is currently doing. Then, weigh whether it will have a long-term positive impact. If not, find alternatives (or behaviors you want your child to have).
Cas a result of
Bob’s parents, Lydia and George, are having a hard time instilling good behavior in their son. When Bob throws away and wastes food, his parents resort to feeding him.
How do you know when you’re overdoing it? Are you afraid of “punishing” your child? Well, we all know that if you keep ignoring a certain behavior, your child will adapt. Ignoring is a way of telling a child, “It’s okay! Keep doing what you’re doing!”.
Toddlers can understand you through actions and simple words. Lydia and George shouldn’t choose the easiest way, but what they need to do is tell Bob that’s not right. Make your child aware that this behavior is unacceptable.
how? One way is through a timeout, but before that, analyze the reasons behind his behavior. Perhaps, all you need to do is reduce the amount of food you eat. If you’ve achieved these 3 C’s in parenting, you’ll have more clarity on your next steps.
Reinforcement of good behavior is no easy task, nor is it easy to snap a finger. Are you familiar with operant conditioning? A theory developed by BF Skinner in which there are two factors; Reinforcement and Punishment.
Operant conditioning explains the possibility of changing behavior. It’s either reinforcing change (encouraging action) or punishing (getting rid of an attitude).
For the boost to be successful, you need to earn rewards. At the same time, to be able to undo behavior, you need to enforce consequences.
Cynthia (24 months old) doesn’t like to eat vegetables, she will start to cry or play with her food.
Reinforcing change is when you tell Cynthia she can play 10 more minutes before bed if she eats her vegetables.
However, if Cynthia continues to do bad things, you’ll have to make her face the wall instead of playing. So, how effective is this? As long as you use the right technique, the kind of behavior you want will surface.
Always remember that you should not always give rewards. The essence of rewards is to instill the behavior you want. Once you find that your child has no trouble adjusting to the change, you can slowly remove the reward.
As for punishment, that should be your last resort. If you’ve done everything from understanding your child to negotiating, you can use punishment.
Application of Rebar
Toddlers can be brave, and you’ll always hear their cries for independence. There is nothing wrong with kids wanting to try an activity on their own. But you need to supervise your kids to see if they are behaving at their best.
To reinforce good behavior, you need to praise them and show your gratitude. For example, your child passes you the plate after eating. You can say, “Wow! You’re a big boy now, thanks for helping mom/dad.”.
What children need is attention and opportunities to learn what it feels like to win and lose. Let them know that mistakes are normal. But make your child realize that just because they fail doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try again.
As mentioned in most studies, good behavior is learned, not born. Through the proper use of reinforcement and punishment, you will notice significant changes in your toddler’s attitude.
Motivating your child to perform simple activities in the right way will result in good behavior.
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