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Why Won’t the Narcissist Psychopath Leave Me Alone?
This is a common question for those who are considering leaving or have left an emotionally abusive partner (narcissist, sociopath, borderline, etc.). While there may be some exceptions, the main reason a psychopath won’t leave someone is because their target hasn’t implemented No Contact in its true form.
For example, I often see on forums that someone has been “no contact” for x days, but then they get a call, email or Facebook message from the person they are trying to get rid of, which of course leaves them in a state of confusion and disbelief. (The only reason N-Ex should have an open line of communication is in the case of shared custody, and even then, there should only be one).
If a mentally ill person has a way to contact you, you don’t have an option not to contact…you choose “no response”, which is different. Let’s talk about what “no contact” really means:
what is not connected yes
No Contact Yes – Stop your ex from using your phone. There are many apps that allow you to do this. “Mr Number” is great because you can set it to hang up automatically without going to voicemail.
No Contact Yes – Block your ex from your email account. all of them. If you’re the type of person who needs to explain what you’re doing, send one last email and block them. Don’t allow yourself to open up and wait for a reply, as doing so will only lead to more craziness.
No Contact Yes – Block your ex from your social networks. all of them. There is absolutely no reason to keep them on your “friends” list. This includes Facebook, Skype, Tango, VooLoo, Facetime, and more. List all the networks you use and remove Ex from all of them.
No Contact Yes – Change your mobile phone number if needed and only give it to friends and family. Not your ex.
No Contact Yes – If they come, they should not come in. They probably will. Don’t break and enter so you can tell them you are obeying the no-touch rule. This backfired and showed Narc that they were winning, which is what they wanted in the first place. If they insist, get out of the door, go back to your room, put on earplugs, sing a little tune, or put on your headphones and play your favorite song/meditation on YouTube. Pretend they don’t exist. If you start to worry about your safety, file a restraining order. No need to tell them you’ll do it, just do it.
No Contact Yes – Shreds any letters received through the postal service. Don’t open them, just chop them. If you can’t, give them to a good friend to destroy. (If you have custody arrangements, have a trusted friend open the letter to determine if this is a legal issue or just them trying to hoover).
No Contact Yes – Do not reply to friends they send you to provide you with information.
No Contact – Do not accept any new “friend requests” on the social network, especially ones that have no picture and are just created.
what is not connected no:
No contact is not – give them full authority to call you and decide whether you will answer when they call.
No contact is not – leave them on your “friends” list on your social network so you can sneakily show them how happy you are and thus make them jealous and/or miss you, or so you can post Take beautiful pictures of yourself to make them “regret” how they treated you.
No contact is not – ignore them for a few days, teach them a lesson, then send them back as if nothing ever happened.
No contact is not – Ask exes you know together so you can find out if they are dating again.
No contact is not – send a message or text and you will “no contact” and then give in when they start throwing a tantrum. They will throw a fit. Save yourself the drama. Keep these lines of communication blocked.
No contact is not – tell all your friends that you are no longer in touch, but secretly communicate with your ex because you are embarrassed and ashamed of the truth.
There are usually three reasons why psychopaths are able to survive the “no contact” period:
1) You literally forgot about that Instagram account you barely use, and you found a message from your ex two weeks ago.
2) He or she follows you to your favorite coffee shop/restaurant/park etc.
3) You secretly want your ex-boyfriend to contact you.
If you find a message on a site you rarely use, just delete it and remove/block Ex.
If they follow/follow you to where you are going, you need to let them know that you are not interested in continuing the relationship and ask them to leave you alone. If they resist, let them know that you will get the authorities involved if necessary. As a last resort, get back in your car, go home, and call the police. It is important to establish that you no longer want to be in contact with your ex in case your case goes to court later, eg if you need to file a restraining/protective order.
If #3 resonates with you, it’s important to understand why psychopaths try to regain your favor. Here are common examples of why they do this (this is not a complete list):
· Because they can – when you repeatedly let a mentally ill person back into your life after overt abuse and abuse, not only will they continue to abuse you, but they will see it as a sign that you are willing to accept that abuse.
· You have come to accept their lies about you – after months and years of hearing that no one wants you except for sex and money, you believe it to be true. Plus, you believe their abusive descriptions of you, like you’re too old, too fat, not smart enough, pretty or handsome enough… think about it, would someone who loves you say those things?
· Punish and destroy – they like to play a game of cat and mouse. Since you dare to set boundaries, they want to prove that not only can they cross the boundary, but they can also cross the boundary. They will destroy any self-esteem you may have left at the time.
Many targets of emotional abuse see implementing “no contact” and sticking with it as a cruel way to end the relationship. That’s because they are able to develop compassion and empathy for others. Psychopaths don’t. While you are protecting their relationship, they are trying to make you pay for your decision not to contact, and you will only suffer more pain at their hands. Unfortunately, it is necessary to wean ourselves off of empathy and see “no contact” as a way to escape the abuse, begin recovery, and start a new life with the hope that there will be no more abuse. Also, once the Psychopath finds a new source of supply, they will ditch you no matter what.
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